I
was a happy kid until everyone at school told me I had something wrong
with me. They continued to make me feel inferior my entire school
life.
I was always on the go, running and playing outside. As much exercise as
I got, I should have been a toothpick but I was heavy always.
My memories of childhood are the painful ones - you don't ever forget
the pain.
The kids called me names and pushed me, ripped my clothes, all on the
playground. I recently reconnected with a girl that we were best
friends at 5-6, always together, until other kids made her realize I was fat and
then she stopped playing with me. As we reconnected thru reunion.com,
I asked her if she remembered why we stopped hanging around each other? One day
she was my best friend, and the next she wouldn't hang or play with me.
She changed the subject - even she knew it was wrong, I was a good
person. Even as 40+ old females with lives and families of our
own, she still could not admit what happened but I knew from what I saw
others do and tell her.
In 6th grade my mom put me on Weight Watchers. I remember wishing I had
something else for lunch. Trying to explain a diet to elementary age
kids was hard. It was just more stuff to make fun of me about. But I worked
really hard at it, without success.
The older I got the harder it was. More people were not willing to
even get to know me based on the way I look. I have fought that my
entire life. I was cool, but only once someone got to know me,
which was rare. It made me turn to smoking, drugs, sex, anything for
approval and acceptance.
Bullies and teasing were, of course, a problem. I had to go home and cry
because it was an unspoken of issue even back in the 60's and 70's. Back
then it was pushed under the carpet and we were told to consider other
forms of schooling where I could get a fresh start - like the new kids
would not make fun of me - be real.
Teachers didn't come to my aid. In gym class I wore the biggest
gym suit they made and it got too small. I tried to talk with the
teacher about it. Her solution was to make me do more exercise than
everyone else (punishment for my size), which I did - to no avail. When I
finally could no longer fit the suit at all, she flunked me for not suiting out, like I
had a choice. But to her and her thin self, I did have a choice - close my
mouth. That was the only "F" grade I ever got in school. I did
everything I could to try to make it work but it marked my GPA forever due to her single
mindedness on weight.
I did talk with a school nurse when I was suicidal - she told me to lose
weight and my problems would be solved - she did not refer me for help
or anything, she solution was to come see her each day instead of eating
lunch and then I would lose weight and be happy.
My grandparents loved me and treated me like any grandkid, and even allowed me to sometimes have a "treat." I got so sick of
diet food.
I was a wonderful person - I did (and do) so much good for others, why could people not see
beyond the weight?
