Absolutely
nothing is more important to your child's happiness and, ultimately,
health, than knowing they are loved unconditionally by you. They must
know, without a doubt, that you are proud of them. They must know,
without a doubt, that to you they are beautiful, fun, and the *best* kid
in the world. If you can't give that to your son or daughter because you
are hung up on their size, then something is lacking in you, not in
them. Work on it.
Growing
up is a tough job for a kid who is different in any way. Growing up
chubby is, according to a recent study by Janet D. Latner and Albert J.
Stunkard and presented in Obesity Research 11:452-456(2003):
"The
most important finding of this study was that children were most
strongly biased against the obese child and that this bias was
even stronger in 2001 than it had been in 1961. Among the girls,
77% ranked the obese child last or second to last. The healthy
child was also liked more in 2001 than in 1961, making the
difference between the obese and non-obese child even greater. The
pattern of preference toward their disabled and nondisabled peers
was uniform across participants and did not differ across children
of various ethnic backgrounds or between white and minority
children, suggesting that there may be a widespread stigmatization
of certain disabilities and obesity. However, this
cross-ethnic stability in stigmatization should be interpreted with
caution and replicated in future studies, because there were
unequal sample sizes across the groups."
That's a tough bias to
overcome.
It
isn't possible to protect your child from every bully or nasty
situation. But negative childhood experiences can be buffered with the
knowledge that you are loved and enjoyed by your family.
Speaking
of bullies, you know how it is when someone's "got your back."
Be that someone in your kid's life. It starts with giving the feeling of
confidence by being loving and supportive of them. They will carry that
confidence with them into the world. But when they encounter situations
they can't handle, be ready and willing to step up for them.
Roxanne's
chubby 7-year-old son was being bullied on the playground at school. At
each recess, three children would corner him, taunting him with derisive
names and shoving and hitting until he was in tears. The playground
staff ignored the situation, even when Davy approached them for help.
When Roxanne talked with Davy's teacher and school principal, they made
light of the situation, saying "kids will be kids." Their
solution was that Davy be put into counseling so he could learn to get
along better. To make a long story short, Rosanne refused to accept that
bullying was normal and her son was in the wrong. She demanded the bullies
be put into counseling to learn acceptable behavior and that the school
start teaching diversity to the kids AND the staff. It took a bit
of coercion, but a new program was quickly put into place with good
results for everyone.
The
point is this . . . give your child strength, but understand that he may
end up in situations beyond his control. Stand up for him when
necessary. Try to understand their world.
Give
love. Give total acceptance. Work on good health, confidence, and
happiness.
